How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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