I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
