So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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