I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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