Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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