I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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