So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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