Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
