fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
