either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
