I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
