They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
