So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
