where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
