Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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