How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
