brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
