you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
