adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
