I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
