Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it glows. i had to have it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
