Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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