I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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