He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
try to milk me bitch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
