I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
