hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
