so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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