Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
