They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
