what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
