It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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