if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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