Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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