I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it because I queefed?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
