Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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