she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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