everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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