You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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