she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
