You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
