My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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