would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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