the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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