what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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