the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
