so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
