tequila makes me forget i have legs
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
