that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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