Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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