i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
