you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize