Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
