all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize