That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
