After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
