I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
