you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
