I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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