Where is the hickey?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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