Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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