you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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