I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
