we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just had sex bonerless
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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