I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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