I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
