I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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