officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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