So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
