I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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