I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
