i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
