Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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