He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
